Lesbian Horror in Cologne

I went to Cologne expecting a big cathedral, pretty Christmas markets and to catch up with a friend (Hi John). I was not expecting the mass slaughter of lesbians in the middle of nowhere.

But then we ended up going to Make a Wish, one of the funniest movies I’ve seen in a while. Its measly rating of 3/10 on IMDb.com cemented our determination to see it. The appalling acting (imagine a beefy guy trying to say “What the Hell?” but in a complete monotone), horror clichés taken to bizarre extremes (“Oh my God, it’s the corpse of our friend in the tree! Okay, run down alone to the lake and fetch some water”) and a cop who’s hunting for a killer but seems to prefer sleeping in the open fields instead of following anguished screams. The only drawback for the males who accompanied me was the fact that the lesbian sex scenes had regular-looking people in them and not Swedish models. Oh well.

Apart from Lesbian Death Camp, I also make it to an Edward Hopper exhibition, and, after manoeuvring my way through the scrum of tourists, also saw some actual paintings too.

And Cologne was overflowing with more Xmas markets. It would be easy to get fat just by hanging round these markets all day and munching on waffles, crepes, toffee apples, sausages...mmm.